Remy ~ The Beginning

I was born and raised in New Orleans, LA.
My father died when I was younger and my mom didn’t remarry. She got sick when I was i high school, living long enough to see me graduate.
I promised I would make something out of myself so I went to LSU.
That’s where my life really changed.

Unpacking boxes, I come to one that I should have left alone.
Inside is a picture of a very beautiful woman. I still get weak when I remember her. Closing my eyes I remember the first time I met her.
I was working as a bartender in a upscale place trying to survive while in college. The tips were good and the hours worked with my schedule. She walked in and sat at the bar. She ordered a gin and tonic with lemon. She wasn’t flashy but you knew she had money. What she was wearing cost more than I made in a month, maybe two.

In between customers we talked. She had a sense of humor and I enjoyed talking to her. When closing time came I cleaned everything and walked out the back door and there she was standing by her red Mercedes convertible. She was wearing a black skirt that was just above her knees, a blouse I later learned was called teal colored, a pair of black heels and her long blond hair was down. She asked if I needed a ride and I nodded to my car. She asked if I wanted her to come home with me. WTH? My place is nothing fancy but she said she didn’t care. Her name was Madeline Robert, wife of Steve Robert. She told me up front she was married, that her husband did his thing, she did hers and everyone was happy. Personally, I thought it was a fucked up relationship but no one asked me.

At my house, she kissed me gently and then harder. I didn’t have a lot of experience with women; none like her. My experinces were limited to girls from high school and a few in college but mostly it was over quickly. Looking at her I told her, I don’t know a lot. She said that was ok, she did and she wanted me. When she put her hand on my hard on I damn near came on her hand. She taught me to take my time, to not get in a rush and to enjoy the moment. When she got ready to leave, I laid in bed a sheet over me watching her dress thinking I had hit the mother lode. She reached in her purse and took out a white envelope that had money in it. I told her that I wasn’t one of the French Quarter working boys. She told me she knew that but she also knew LSU wasn’t cheap. Coming over to the side of the bed she leaned over, kissed my neck and asked me to let her help me. She didn’t want me to work that hard. That I needed more time off and she winked. Said she could help me with that extra time off.

For 2 1/2 years Maddie came over to my house and when she left, she left an envelope. I didn’t like it but it did keep me from eating bologna sandwiches. It wasn’t just sex, we talked, cooked meals together or watched movies. There were a few times she brought a book and read while I studied and then she helped to quiz me. We went out sometimes to places her husband would have never gone to but we had fun dancing and laughing. A few months before graduation a New Orleans Police officer came to the campus recruiting potential officers. I had good grades, clean criminal history so they asked to see me. I met the guy and when he was through I was ready to sign on the dotted line. No one tells you that police depts. do a thorough background investigation. They actually send someone to your neighborhood to talk to the neighbors.
Every neighborhood has one; the guy that just don’t fit it. He don’t fit in because he’s way ahead of everyone else. His name was Vinnie and he started running numbers for the local bookie when he was tweve and by the time I graduated, he was quickly moving into the big time. Nobody saw much of Vinnie after high school but if we did, it was like old times. He was still the guy from the neighborhood.
They didn’t care about Maddie but they sure as hell did Vinnie. I got a call to come in to meet with a guy from Internal Affairs. He told me he was sorry that he couldn’t approve my background, that I would have made a good officer but Vinnie was a blemish on my record. What that meant was that no agency in LA would hire me for anything, not as a dispatcher, jailer or anything. I finally broke down and went to see Vinnie and asked for a job.

He wanted to know what happened to my big plans to be a cop and I didn’t want to tell him so I gave him some bullshit excuse that didn’t even make any sense. From behind his desk he looked at me long and hard. He didn’t say a word for a long time. He finally said , ” Your ma mere would cut my balls off herself for hiring you. Now I gotta a pretty good idea why you aren’t joining the police dept. You go home, sit tight for a few days and I’ll see you around. ”
That was it. He went back to his paperwork and I left. I got a letter three days later welcoming me to the New Orleans Police Dept. The letter said that they hoped I would have a long career with them. The person that they wouldn’t hire me over is the one that got me the job. They were going to pay me decent money and I could afford Maddie. Maybe not everything she wanted but we wouldn’t be starving and she wouldn’t be dressing from WalMart.

She came over that night and I told her I wanted her to leave her husband and be with me. Just me. I was proud thinking I could really have her. She looked at me, shook her head and she told me that she couldn’t. She would be married to Steve forever. That was how it was. This was fun but it was never going to be more than it was. She told me she had been pregnant with my child and had gotten an abortion. Before I did something I would regret forever I asked her to leave and as she walked out the door, I went into the bathroom and puked until I began to puke blood. That night, Remy Devereaux died and a new one took his place. The new one didn’t do relationships. He was colder with what some said was a heart of stone.
Maybe they were right.

I don’t do relationships with women. It is straight sex. They know it going in. I don’t lie or pretend. I got rules too and I never break them. You have to be over 25 and no boyfriends, husbands or ‘ significant others ‘.  My handcuffs are never going to be used in the bedroom. You are there because you want to be there not because I got you cuffed to the bed. We are going to be safe; I got 3 packs of condoms in every room in the house and I never fail to use them. My favorite phrase is ‘no glove, no love ‘. When it’s over, we part as friends but we won’t stay in touch. Too complicated.
No one touches me again. Not like that.
I would have married her for real. In a church, been proud of her and treated her like a queen. I would have given her my children and been there when they were born. I would have done it all for her. Looking at the picture of us together at a bar in the French Quarter I look at her, I look at us and I know that the guy in the picture died a long time ago and he won’t be coming back. Innocence dies hard but when it does it is gone forever.

I re-wrap the picture and I put in a smaller box and put it on the top shelf in the guest bedroom. I don’t keep it anymore to remind me of her. I have more than enough memories but to remind me to not give my heart and soul away to someone that won’t deserve it. One day, I will take the picture and throw it out. I don’t know when but whenever ‘ one day ‘ arrives.